I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
