some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
