She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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