The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
