Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
