meet me or not, i'm out of control
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
