As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
