Apparently you make a good broom.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
