we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
