i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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