Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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