Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize