I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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