Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
