We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
