dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
