I threw up into my coffee this morning.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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