I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize