I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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