My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
