Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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