people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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