I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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