I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
