therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
