He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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