Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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