OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
