I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
