he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
its liver damage thursday
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
