he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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