Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize