I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
