watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I wish you could order shots online.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
