Nicole vs. Life
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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