I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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