Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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