i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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