just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
