I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
