I can't watch pbs sober anymore
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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