We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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