I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
