So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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