Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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