his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I wear drunk well.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
