you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
