if i can run in heels then i can drive
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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