yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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