did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
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I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
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How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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