u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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