Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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