john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
