the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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