i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
