I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
