Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
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It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
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I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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