I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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