OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
