Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
