I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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