I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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