you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
a search helicopter?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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