So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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