I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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