I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
