I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
