im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Drunk is not a location!
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
