He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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