At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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