You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
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I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
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We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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