I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
No subtext here. People are naked.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
