just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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